Dating Doctor: "Start Dating Like It's Your Job!" Dating Apps Are Impacting Us More Than We Realise!

The Art of Attraction: A Conversation with Dr. Orion Taban

In this captivating podcast episode, renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Orion Taban dives into the complexities of modern dating and relationships. Dr. Taban, a leading expert on attraction, communication, and emotional intimacy, provides insightful analysis and actionable advice for navigating the challenges of finding love in today's world.

Core Concepts and Philosophies

Dr. Taban’s core philosophy centers on understanding the "economic model of relationships." He argues that relationships, like any other exchange, involve a transaction of value. This value can take many forms, including sex, security, excitement, emotional support, and the ability to raise children. He asserts that successful relationships are often based on a balance and understanding of these values. Dr. Taban emphasizes the importance of “sublimation” in human behavior. This psychological concept describes the channeling of strong, but socially unacceptable impulses into productive and constructive activities. He suggests that the drive for sexual satisfaction, a powerful force, can be redirected towards other goals, such as career aspirations, creativity, and social connection. This approach offers a more nuanced view of the impact of pornography, particularly its potential to diminish motivation and drive in men by providing a readily available substitute for real-life connection and satisfaction.

Practical Strategies and Advice

• Date like it's your job: Dr. Taban advises men to approach dating with the same intensity and dedication they would apply to a demanding career. This includes taking massive action, going on numerous dates, and not being afraid of rejection.
• Focus on surface marketing: In the early stages of attraction, Dr. Taban stresses the importance of presentation. This includes dressing well, maintaining good hygiene, and projecting confidence. While these elements are often dismissed as superficial, he emphasizes their role in attracting initial attention.
• Learn the art of seduction: Dr. Taban argues that seduction involves understanding and influencing emotional responses. He encourages men to develop their communication skills, particularly their ability to evoke emotional resonance in women. This includes understanding the nuances of feminine communication, which relies more on emotional cues and less on explicit language.
• Master the game of "please no": Dr. Taban explains that all human interactions, including dating, involve a form of negotiation. He introduces the concept of the "game of please no," which involves understanding how to shift a "no" into a "yes" through skillful communication. This involves leveraging non-verbal cues, emotional resonance, and strategic requests.
• Understand the value exchange: Dr. Taban emphasizes the importance of recognizing what people want and need from each other in relationships. He suggests that by identifying and fulfilling these needs, individuals can create more fulfilling and satisfying connections. This includes understanding and respecting different "love languages" and the various forms of value people exchange, such as security, excitement, and emotional support.
• Be willing to be vulnerable: Dr. Taban encourages men to be open and authentic in their interactions with women. This involves sharing their vulnerabilities and experiences, which can create genuine connections and build trust.
• Embrace the power of novelty: Dr. Taban emphasizes the importance of maintaining novelty in long-term relationships. This can involve introducing new experiences, trying new things together, and creating opportunities for shared discovery. He suggests that physical separation and time apart can help foster a sense of excitement and reinvigorate the relationship.
• Accept your partner: Dr. Taban cautions against trying to change your partner or expecting them to be perfect. He stresses the importance of accepting your partner for who they are, including their flaws and imperfections.
• Prioritize your own needs: Dr. Taban advocates for a healthy level of self-interest in relationships. He suggests that people should be clear about their own needs and desires and not compromise too readily. This approach helps ensure that both partners feel valued and respected.
• Overcome the fear of estrangement: Dr. Taban highlights the importance of forgiveness, particularly in family relationships. He emphasizes the need to overcome the fear of offering forgiveness first, even if it is not reciprocated. He suggests that forgiveness can help release anger and resentment, opening the door to healing and reconciliation.

Supporting Evidence

Dr. Taban references various studies and research, including the analysis of suicide letters and the prevalence of polygamous societies, to support his core concepts and philosophies. He draws upon the insights of prominent figures in psychology and economics, including Sigmund Freud and Ludwig von Mises, to illustrate the fundamental principles underlying human behavior in relationships.

Personal Application

Dr. Taban shares his personal experiences navigating the dating world, including his earlier reliance on surface marketing and the lessons he learned about the importance of authenticity and vulnerability. He emphasizes that he has learned to embrace a more balanced approach to dating, recognizing that relationships are a complex interplay of value exchange and emotional connection.

Recommendations for Tools and Techniques

Dr. Taban encourages the use of online tools, such as dating apps and social media platforms, as part of a broader strategy for connecting with people. He also suggests utilizing platforms like Fiverr to access specialized skills and talent, which can help streamline various aspects of personal and professional life.